omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
