Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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