Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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