You can't special order awesome
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize