It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
