ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
