**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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