I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
