Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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