i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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