remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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