You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
