i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
