That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
