Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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