Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize