So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
