woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
