I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
