I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i already hear my dad disowning me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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