You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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