Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
