Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
