i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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