Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
