Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
