: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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