just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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