My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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