Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
