You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
