I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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