My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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