i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
