This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
