So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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