Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
