i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
