The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
