he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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