Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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