I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize