I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
