I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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