My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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