Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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