one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
vagina is talking i cant
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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