she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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