By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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