He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
