Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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