Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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