before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
