When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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