Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
