I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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