it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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