oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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