I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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