Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
