I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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