Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
